Separate but Equal?

“So why do we so badly want to be anything but women, as if it’s not good enough?”

I saw this really interesting video of Karrine Steffans and Dawn the Self-Esteem Queen on a friend’s Facebook, talking about the effects of the sexual revolution on gender roles:

In case you’re wondering if we’re talking about the same Karrine Steffans, then yes, we are. She made some really good points in the video about gender roles after the sexual revolution of the 60’s and 70’s, and one point in particular stuck out to me.

Since when did being different from men equate to not being their equals?

Karrine briefly discussed the social effects of the sexual revolution on women’s rights-specifically, their sexual rights-and talked about women wanting to be equal in terms of sex with men. She talked about the roles of men and women in society, and seemed to lean on women fulfilling the more traditional roles of our gender.  With the pay gap that still exists between men and women, and promiscuity being praised in men and shunned in women, are we ever going to get to a place of true gender equality?

I grew up in a family and culture where traditional roles are expected, and while I do believe that some of these roles are outdated, some are actually beneficial. Feminism has both helped and harmed women-I see it a lot in the “independent woman” stereotype, that seems to emasculate men a lot. I never got that whole thing anyway-why are you shouting from the rooftops that you’re “independent” and pay your own bills if you’re supposed to be handling your business anyway?

When I hear people say “I don’t need a man!” I cringe-as human beings, our very survival and growth is dependent on one another, including the opposite sex.

What do you think? Have we really got it all twisted after all? Should there be gender equality for everything?

8 Responses to “Separate but Equal?”
  1. I think women feel the need to shout their independence because it’s not something that we’re expected to have. I also think it’s human nature to desire to prove naysayers wrong. Thus the reason for constantly reminding a man that you can do things without his help. I have NEVER heard a man say he is independent, and I’m almost certain that I won’t. Independence is expected from a grown ass man. However, the same does not seem to be expected from a woman.

  2. kdaddy23 says:

    “Since when did being different from men equate to not being their equals?” That one is easy to answer since God created Adam first, thereby establishing male dominance in all things. So, if you ain’t a man, you can’t be equal in anything because you’re not a man, can’t do man-things, stuff like that.

    Time, however, has proven otherwise; women refuse to play the role of a slave, chattel, and that of a second-class citizen. They continue to fight for their right to refuse sex to a man, those same men who feel it’s their right to be able to sex you and any other woman that strikes his fancy; again, you see the male dominance at work; if a man does this, it’s okay; if a woman does it, she’s a whore, slut, etc.. I don’t see women being “equal in terms of sex” with men… simply because y’all don’t think about sex in the same terms that we do; if y’all did, well, we’d have to find something else to fuss about.

    The “traditional roles” a lot of us grew up with are outdated; that shit was old when I was a kid. The human dynamic has changed; that 1950’s morality that firmed up those traditional roles is falling by the wayside because people – men and women – are learning that they can’t do what they feel they need to do as long as that morality is holding them back.

    As long as our society remains male dominant, women will never, ever, have the equality in anything they deserve; as long as we have to live under this ancient and moldy morality – something that severely limits our ability to express ourselves to whatever degree necessary, women will never be on equal footing with men where sex is concerned because monogamy decrees otherwise.

    Gender equality in all things just might happen – but it won’t happen in our lifetimes, Bella.

    • bellacoils says:

      I don’t see women being equal in terms of sex with men…and to be honest, I don’t think that we should be equal in that regard. The morality conversation is a whole other game-I know a few people who have strayed the moral/religious path with or without regrets. Quite simply, people are starting to live for themselves, and seeing that the rules that they grew up with aren’t applicable anymore.

      I think you have more hope than I do KD, lol. I don’t think that gender equality will happen in our lifetimes, if ever. As long as society dictates the “proper” sexual expression (or expression of any kind) of men and women, there will never be true freedom to be who you really are outside of closed doors. Despite the many strides the women’s rights movement has made, like you said, male dominance has been in place since biblical times. I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

      • kdaddy23 says:

        The rules need to be updated and upgraded… but there’s great resistance because a lot of the changes necessary takes our morality and throws it out the window because a lot of it is no longer applicable to the way people – and especially women – need to exist today. Said morality is designed to “keep women in their place” in all things, from jobs to sexual expression.

      • bellacoils says:

        I agree…the old rules did exist to keep women “in our place”, and some people are unhappy seeing that these rules/morality aren’t needed anymore-I don’t see anyone in this country being burned at the stake or stoned for doing something considered “immoral”. However, there is a social backlash against women who defy social and moral norms in any way-which is another way to keep us in our place, yet again. It’s like a dance-we go forward, backward, sideways, all over the place.

      • kdaddy23 says:

        Oh, Bella, the backlash is against anyone who defies the norms, like all of us who aren’t straight, for instance.

      • bellacoils says:

        True true…as long as there is a “normal” there will always be others who stick their middle finger to it…lol

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