Dating as a Natural-Nappily Ever After?

Nubian Goddess. African Queen. Vegan Lovechild. Queen of the Nile/Dead Sea minerals. Jill Scott. India Arie. Erykah Badu.

If you or anyone you know has natural hair, you’ve heard these names more than a few times. Sometimes, these statements come from the opposite sex in an attempt to get your attention.  While there are songs such as “I Am Not My Hair”, I believe that hair plays a major part when dating, especially when you’re a naturalista. I seem to get the most attention from older Black men in the 40+ range or men from other races. It’s strange, but the older guys tend to approach me with a LOT more respect and admiration, and I’ve gotten the best compliments about my hair from these men. I can recall an instance when two of my friends and I were on the train going to NYC, and there was a very attractive older man, who was playing a bongo. While we were sitting, he walks up to us and says “You ladies are beautiful black women, I’m glad you didn’t conform.” Although it was awkward, I can definitely appreciate his compliment.  I was discussing this topic with a friend, and we agreed that part of the attention and admiration from older men may be that they were raised in a different generation that celebrated natural hair as being beautiful.

My generation…leaves a lot to be desired. I often hear men detest artificiality ( fake hair, nails, and makeup) and say that they prefer a girl to have “natural” hair, but when asked what “natural” is, it’s usually no weave. When I asked a male acquaintance about having natural, unrelaxed hair, he responded “Everybody don’t look right with that s***.” Wow. The sad part is that many men share this sentiment, and I don’t know any young Black men who like natural hair. From what I’ve observed, there’s a certain grade of natural hair that’s acceptable (a la Tracee Ellis Ross) or locked styles that seem to be a safe bet for women. To be real, any drastic aesthetic change that a woman does in terms of hair, skin, and dress does affect the amount of suitors that a woman attracts. Going natural for me has not increased my stock, so to speak. I’ve heard people say “Why do you want to look African?” or “You look really African now!”, and these statements are usually said in a negative light.

I once had someone ask me “Do you feel like you attract better quality guys?” My answer for that-how do you define “quality”? What if you’re in a relationship with a great guy, but the idea of you going natural turns him off? Is he still a great guy? Another funny thing I hear is the type of guys naturals are “supposed” to attract-the tofu eating, Starbucks consuming, Whole Foods shopping, Dwele types. In my personal experience, this is FAR from the truth (even though I do love me some Whole Foods, lol).

Ladies, do you feel like being natural changes the dating game for you? Fellas, would you date a girl with natural hair (keep it real!)

Here’s an interesting video that I found where a few natural ladies were asking guys about dating with natural hair. Skip to the 11:50 minute mark. Very thought-provoking sentiments in the guys’ responses.

7 Responses to “Dating as a Natural-Nappily Ever After?”
  1. Up4Dsn says:

    I would definitely date a woman with natural hair. I respect women who aren’t afraid or ashamed to go natural. It truly is beautiful. I wouldn’t judge my woman by her hair. If I love her…that’s it and that’s all that matters. If she has natural beautiful hair, I would appreciate it.

    • bellacoils says:

      Hey Up4dsn!! Thanks for stopping by!

      I would think that great hair is great hair…whether is relaxed, natural, or whatever. Some people seem to have an aversion to it, which I don’t understand because it’s what grows out of your head. I didn’t really think that having natural hair would be that big of a deal until I became natural and witnessed some real ignorance. I hate to take it back to slavery and the slave mentality…but sometimes people act/think as if we’re still on massa’s plantation. I read this story about a woman whose husband threatened to divorce her because she became natural and he didn’t like it …and she was 5 months pregnant. I guess it is that deep.
      And there’s nothing like natural, beautiful hair…and rocking it with confidence. That’s what really matters 🙂

  2. Mr.TramueL says:

    I’m one who appreciates a woman who doesn’t wear fake nails, hair & a lot of make up but I don’t criticize or won’t discriminate when it comes to dating. I will add that I Am one of the 40+ men that you are referring to 😉

    Interesting post, I enjoyed it.

    • bellacoils says:

      Hey Mr. Tramuel! Thanks for stopping by my e-crib 😉

      I’m glad to know that you’re an outlier lol…I swear I was born in the wrong generation! I find that a lot of younger guys say they don’t like fakeness, but are shocked when they see a woman without all the upkeep lol. Glad to know you enjoyed my post.

  3. I feel like although there are many men out there who loathe natural hair, in my experience, there are many others that are quite fond of it. When I rock my fro in Corporate America, everywhere I go I get tons of compliments. It could be that NYC is the natural capital of the US, so men are used to seeing fly natural sistahs everywhere and have grown to appreciate our hair.

    • bellacoils says:

      Hey lady! Thanks for stopping by and commenting! : )
      I agree…NYC is the natural hair mecca. A lot of women wear their hair naturally, so I don’t feel like an oddball when I go lol. I think it could be a generational and geographic thing too…I’ve gotten many compliments whenever I go to NYC. Maybe I should move there…jk. I think that most people don’t see many natural-haired women where we live, so it’s a different story. It’s interesting that you mentioned people liking your hair in corporate America because I used to hear that natural hair wasn’t “acceptable”. I’ve gotten more compliments on my hair working in more conservative,corporate settings than when I worked in urban areas.

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